This is my Gift for You

There’s this voice I hear
That’s not exactly nice
Like the hiss of a snake
In the tone of euphoria
From a severe disease
Crouching in back of my skull
Where it doesn’t say things
But it will ask to me
“Do you think this is right?
Do you think it’s safe?
How do you know…
This won’t ruin your life?”

And as I hear this voice
My pulse races and turns
My stomach turns to mud
And the light becomes so
Pale and sharp, it seems
The surface of everything
Is a sharpened razorblade.

It says nothing, only asks
And lets my mind attack
And tear me apart inside
I am so sick with stress
I can barely close my eyes
But I can’t leave them open
I question the strength
Of my very legs as I step
And it asks with every pace

“What do you think you’re doing?
Do you really think this is right?
Won’t this make you just feel
Another day closer to death?”

It says nothing and only asks
I can’t silence it or my head
Or stop the ill turning inside
When it starts to pipe up

It says nothing and only asks
All the things I can’t know
Even the simplest answers to
I don’t know
I don’t know
It makes it
So hard
My stomach
Turns inside
And I wish
I could die.