This is my Gift for You

I thought about dying just now
Minutes ago while cooking noodles

Nearly impossible to focus on
There was this earth-shattering
Noise aside from the boiling water
Screaming in the back of my head

While I thought about dying
Moments ago while preparing food

Abruptly, to be sure, a spring
Off this mortal coil, no polite
Shuffle at my age, with my health
It would be untimely to others

But what to say about dying
Is the same as asking about living

The only reason the thought comes
…Would it be any better at all
Any easier than finishing off days,
Weeks, months, years, decades…

I mainly fear all that I will,
When it comes time for me to die,

Will look back as the end inevitable
Comes despite resistance or regret
And realize in all that living done
It was the same as dying years ago

I do not want my life, as I live it
To be a struggle to hold deluded
Reasons against Death.